Say you’re waiting in your car at a red light. It turns green. You start to go, when another car zips through the intersection, running their red light and nearly taking off your front end. Now you’re angry. How long does it take for you to cool down?
If you take a long time to cool off from anger, you may be doing one of two things: rehearsing or elaborating.
Rehearsing refers to playing out situations in your mind in which you act upon your anger. You tell the person off. You make cutting remarks. You scream. You might even exact revenge in creative ways. None of this actually happens, but it’s all very real inside your head.
What happens to your anger level while you’re imagining these elaborate scenes? Most likely, it’s on the way up. It’s only natural for your anger to intensify, or at least gain staying power, if you’re keeping it around in your thoughts. After all, you’re rehearsing for anger, and we tend to get better at what we rehearse.
Another mental activity that keeps anger around is elaborating. After getting angry at someone you know, have you ever found yourself thinking of every thing you don’t like about that person? Or you might make a mental list of every time they made you mad in the past. The current issue may even be forgotten by the time you’re through. In any case, you’ve just given yourself a lot more reasons to be angry.
Trying to stop rehearsing or elaborating altogether is a lofty goal, but there are ways to cut back. Using ideas from anger management self-help books, working with a therapist, and practicing mindfulness can all make a big difference. Just becoming aware of when you’re engaging in either of these activities can help. And when you’re able to shorten your cool-off time, just think of the extra time and energy you can devote to things that matter more to you than that person who just ran a red light.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
From zero to 100 in a heartbeat
The last time you found yourself getting seriously angry, how long did it take? A lot of people say they go from feeling perfectly fine to feeling really angry in about two seconds. Some people even report feeling “blinded” by their anger. They do or say things they later regret.
How is it possible for something so powerful to sneak up on you so quickly? The answer may lie in self-awareness.
Self-awareness is knowing what’s going on in your mind and body at any given moment. When you react to a situation—like that driver who just cut you off on the freeway—changes happen in your body and mind. These are your anger cues. They tell you that unless you do something different quick, you might be headed for trouble.
There are at least four different types of anger cues to look for—body sensations (rapid heartbeat, for example), behaviors (such as slamming objects), emotions (embarrassment, fear, etc.), and thoughts (“Here we go again!”). Everyone’s cues are different. If anger is a problem for you, it’s important to become intimately familiar with your own unique anger cues.
This idea fits well with CBT, which can help people heighten their awareness of their own inner experience. This is often a first step toward managing moods and behaviors. When coupled with mindfulness practice, CBT can be used to foster tolerance of anger cues without necessarily acting on them.
For a lot more information on anger, check out AngerManagementExpert.
How is it possible for something so powerful to sneak up on you so quickly? The answer may lie in self-awareness.
Self-awareness is knowing what’s going on in your mind and body at any given moment. When you react to a situation—like that driver who just cut you off on the freeway—changes happen in your body and mind. These are your anger cues. They tell you that unless you do something different quick, you might be headed for trouble.
There are at least four different types of anger cues to look for—body sensations (rapid heartbeat, for example), behaviors (such as slamming objects), emotions (embarrassment, fear, etc.), and thoughts (“Here we go again!”). Everyone’s cues are different. If anger is a problem for you, it’s important to become intimately familiar with your own unique anger cues.
This idea fits well with CBT, which can help people heighten their awareness of their own inner experience. This is often a first step toward managing moods and behaviors. When coupled with mindfulness practice, CBT can be used to foster tolerance of anger cues without necessarily acting on them.
For a lot more information on anger, check out AngerManagementExpert.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Finding yourself in a mood
Ever find yourself “in a mood” without knowing how you got there? You might have been feeling just fine only a short time ago. Nothing earth-shattering happened. Yet somehow you’re now feeling stressed, sad or whatever, and you have no idea why.
Next time this happens, try asking yourself, “What went through my mind when I started to feel this way?” If you’re not sure, take your best guess. It’s very likely that if you can identify your thought, then you’ll have a handle on why you’re feeling the way you are.
This idea is key in cognitive-behavioral therapy: What goes through our minds—not what happens in our environment—is mainly responsible for our moods.
It’s possible that something happened to trigger your thought. Maybe it was your spouse’s tone of voice, or the expression on your boss’s face. Whatever the trigger, it was the meaning you attached to it that led to your mood. CBT helps you identify these meanings and examine them, with the goal of gaining better control over your own moods and behaviors.
Next time this happens, try asking yourself, “What went through my mind when I started to feel this way?” If you’re not sure, take your best guess. It’s very likely that if you can identify your thought, then you’ll have a handle on why you’re feeling the way you are.
This idea is key in cognitive-behavioral therapy: What goes through our minds—not what happens in our environment—is mainly responsible for our moods.
It’s possible that something happened to trigger your thought. Maybe it was your spouse’s tone of voice, or the expression on your boss’s face. Whatever the trigger, it was the meaning you attached to it that led to your mood. CBT helps you identify these meanings and examine them, with the goal of gaining better control over your own moods and behaviors.
Friday, April 3, 2009
What's it like to be in CBT?
If you imagine therapy as a place to lie on a couch and talk endlessly about your problems, then you may be surprised by CBT. Mental health pioneers like Aaron Beck and Albert Ellis had something very different in mind when they developed what has come to be known as cognitive-behavioral therapy.
First, CBT is a partnership between client and therapist. They work together throughout therapy to help the client achieve change. The therapist is not an all-knowing guru who imparts wisdom on the client, but more like a collaborator in the process of gathering data. The data is then used to help the client move forward toward their goals.
Second, CBT is an active therapy. The therapist routinely assigns homework to help the client learn more about themselves and to try new behaviors. Homework fits with CBT’s goal of having the client become their own therapist, since the client is practicing CBT on themselves each time they do an assignment. Homework can also be used to gather that all-important data mentioned above.
Third, CBT is solution-focused. Even if someone is depressed and is always thinking negatively, some of their thoughts may be 100 percent accurate. In these cases, the therapist helps the client to learn problem-solving skills. These skills can lead the client toward new behaviors, which in turn might help them to see things differently than they normally would.
Fourth, CBT is time-limited. This means that instead of taking the years required by some types of psychoanalysis, CBT is usually much briefer. The length of therapy is driven by the client’s progress toward specific goals. Eight to twelve sessions is often all it takes to help people achieve the changes they seek.
Finally, CBT is present- and future-oriented. This stands in contrast to a focus on the client’s past or childhood. The past can certainly be considered in CBT, but usually as a way of informing the client’s current way of thinking or acting. The idea is to make changes in the present, with an eye toward future goals.
First, CBT is a partnership between client and therapist. They work together throughout therapy to help the client achieve change. The therapist is not an all-knowing guru who imparts wisdom on the client, but more like a collaborator in the process of gathering data. The data is then used to help the client move forward toward their goals.
Second, CBT is an active therapy. The therapist routinely assigns homework to help the client learn more about themselves and to try new behaviors. Homework fits with CBT’s goal of having the client become their own therapist, since the client is practicing CBT on themselves each time they do an assignment. Homework can also be used to gather that all-important data mentioned above.
Third, CBT is solution-focused. Even if someone is depressed and is always thinking negatively, some of their thoughts may be 100 percent accurate. In these cases, the therapist helps the client to learn problem-solving skills. These skills can lead the client toward new behaviors, which in turn might help them to see things differently than they normally would.
Fourth, CBT is time-limited. This means that instead of taking the years required by some types of psychoanalysis, CBT is usually much briefer. The length of therapy is driven by the client’s progress toward specific goals. Eight to twelve sessions is often all it takes to help people achieve the changes they seek.
Finally, CBT is present- and future-oriented. This stands in contrast to a focus on the client’s past or childhood. The past can certainly be considered in CBT, but usually as a way of informing the client’s current way of thinking or acting. The idea is to make changes in the present, with an eye toward future goals.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
A Definition of CBT
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a way to deal with real-life obstacles and achieve meaningful change. It’s a type of counseling, or therapy, that helps people see the link between their thoughts, beliefs, emotions and actions.
A basic assumption of CBT is that what happens in life is not what causes you to feel strong emotions—such as sadness, anxiety or anger—or to act in ways that go along with those emotions. Rather, it’s your thoughts about what happens that really drive your feelings and behaviors.
For example, say you go out to dinner with a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Everything goes wrong—the service is slow, the food is lousy and the music is too loud. You spend the whole time thinking “This is terrible! I can’t believe how badly it’s turning out.” In fact, you’re so preoccupied with the problems that you miss a lot of what your friend has to say.
Meanwhile, your friend finds it all unfortunate, but chooses to focus on how nice it is to see you again and catch up on your life.
How would you feel? Frustrated? Angry? Upset? Probably very different from how your friend feels. You both just went through the same experience, but the way you perceived it made a big difference.
How does CBT work?
A skilled CBT therapist can help you become more aware of the links between your thoughts, emotions and actions. You might also gain insight into how it’s all driven by your underlying beliefs. These include your rules, attitudes and assumptions about yourself, others and the world. Once you start to define your thoughts and beliefs, you can learn ways to address them to better suit your goals.
Your problems won’t all be solved, but you might gain tools to help you manage your moods and behaviors. The ultimate goal of CBT is for you to become your own therapist.
Thanks for visiting my blog. Please come back from time to time for more notes on CBT, including thoughts on how CBT can apply to depression, anxiety and anger.
In the meantime, here's a good article that highlights some of the main features of CBT.
A basic assumption of CBT is that what happens in life is not what causes you to feel strong emotions—such as sadness, anxiety or anger—or to act in ways that go along with those emotions. Rather, it’s your thoughts about what happens that really drive your feelings and behaviors.
For example, say you go out to dinner with a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Everything goes wrong—the service is slow, the food is lousy and the music is too loud. You spend the whole time thinking “This is terrible! I can’t believe how badly it’s turning out.” In fact, you’re so preoccupied with the problems that you miss a lot of what your friend has to say.
Meanwhile, your friend finds it all unfortunate, but chooses to focus on how nice it is to see you again and catch up on your life.
How would you feel? Frustrated? Angry? Upset? Probably very different from how your friend feels. You both just went through the same experience, but the way you perceived it made a big difference.
How does CBT work?
A skilled CBT therapist can help you become more aware of the links between your thoughts, emotions and actions. You might also gain insight into how it’s all driven by your underlying beliefs. These include your rules, attitudes and assumptions about yourself, others and the world. Once you start to define your thoughts and beliefs, you can learn ways to address them to better suit your goals.
Your problems won’t all be solved, but you might gain tools to help you manage your moods and behaviors. The ultimate goal of CBT is for you to become your own therapist.
Thanks for visiting my blog. Please come back from time to time for more notes on CBT, including thoughts on how CBT can apply to depression, anxiety and anger.
In the meantime, here's a good article that highlights some of the main features of CBT.
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